Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
