You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
there is glitter all over my balls
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