last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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