Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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