I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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