the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
