One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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