Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
