Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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