I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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