sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
