I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
