ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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