I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
