I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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