My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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