She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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