and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
