your room smells of hookers.
And success
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
