OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
