i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
