it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
