i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
