chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
they need to just BURY HIM!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
