I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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