Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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