At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I smell like Dick and happiness
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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