So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I don't deserve a penis
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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