is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
