tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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