I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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