i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
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Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
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He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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