I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize