Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
