she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize