dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
