i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
That's when you crack a 10am beer
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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