just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
