So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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