So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
