man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
