I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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