idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
