Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize