I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
