My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
