What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
