She is in my trunk
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
