There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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