I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
