it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
