I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
