I cockslap morals
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
