It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
