I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
