i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
