Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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