if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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