Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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