When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
