Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
