My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
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