i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
