ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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