Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
