Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
