I'm pants shitting drunk right now
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
