If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
