She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
