Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
