belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Only a mothe r could love this liver
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
