In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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