I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
