i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
