If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
