The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
