how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
