My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
