My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
