I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
