We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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