You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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