i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Randomize
